Hello 女神,
520快乐 ❤️
在这个意义特殊的日子里,我想与你分享世界上最浪漫的情书之一。
1945年6月,27岁的著名物理学家理查德·费曼(Richard Feynman)失去了年仅25岁的妻子阿琳·费曼(Arline Feynman),她因结核病去世。阿琳是理查德自高中以来青梅竹马的恋人,然而,她不仅仅是恋人。正如劳伦斯·克劳斯(Lawrence Krauss)在2012年关于费曼的传记中写道:
“理查德和阿琳是心灵伴侣。他们并非彼此的复制品,而是互补的对立面——彼此使对方更加完整。阿琳钦佩理查德显而易见的科学才华,而理查德则非常喜欢她热爱并理解他当时几乎无法欣赏的事物。但他们最共同的特点是对生活的热爱和冒险精神。”
在他们在一起的岁月里,理查德和阿琳经常交换信件,现在这些信件中的大部分都被收录在《完美合理的偏离既定轨迹》一书中。然而,没有一封信比他在阿琳去世16个月后写给她的那封信更令人动情。仍然处于绝望和迷茫的费曼写了一封发泄心情的信,直到他在1988年去世时,这封信才被拆封。
内容如下:
1946年10月17日
亲爱的阿琳,
我爱慕你,亲爱的。
我知道你多么喜欢听到这句话,但我写这句话不仅仅是因为你喜欢,更因为每当我把它写给你时,都让我感到内心充满温暖。
自从我上次给你写信已经过去了很长很长的时间,差不多两年了。但我知道你会原谅我,因为你了解我的个性——我执拗和现实,我一度认为写信没有任何意义。
但现在,我终于意识到,我心爱的妻子,做我拖延已久的事情是对的,而且过去我常常给你写信。我想告诉你我爱你。我想要爱你。我会永远爱你。
我发现自己也很难想明白,当你不在人世时,我还继续爱你有何意义——但我仍然想安慰你、照顾你——也希望你爱我、关心我。我想和你一起讨论问题——一起做一些小项目。直到刚才,我都没有想到我们还可以做这些事情。
我们应该做什么呢?我们可以开始一起学习制作衣服——或者学习汉语——或者弄一个电影放映机。现在我还能做点什么吗?不,没有你,我孤独无助,而你是我们所有疯狂冒险的“灵感女神”和总策划者。
当你生病时,你曾为自己无法给我你想给的东西,那些你认为我需要的东西而担心。其实,你不必担心。正如当时我对你所说的,我没有任何实质的需求,因为我以如此多的方式深深爱着你。而现在,这一点更加清晰明了——你现在无法给我任何东西,但我依旧如此爱你,以至于你挡住了我去爱其他人的道路——但我希望你一直在那里。你,已故的你,比活着的任何人都好。
你现在什么也给不了我,但我如此爱你,以至于你阻碍我去爱其他人——但我想要你一直在那里。你,已故的你,比任何活着的人都好。
我知道你会说我真傻,你希望我拥有真正的幸福,不想阻挡我的生活。我敢打赌你会惊讶地发现,在这两年里我甚至连一个女朋友都没有(除了你,亲爱的)。但你不能为此感到内疚,亲爱的,我也一样 ——我也不理解为什么,因为我已经遇到了许多女孩,非常好的女孩,我不想孤独一生——但在两三次见面之后,她们都变得无足轻重。唯独你在我身边。你是真实的。
我亲爱的妻子,我真的爱慕你。
我爱我的妻子。我的妻子走了。
理查德。
附言:请原谅我没有寄出这封信——我不知道你新的地址啊。
我个人觉得有一句话格外让人感动:
“你,已故的你,比活着的任何人都好。”
精彩。
女神,我也希望你可以找到一个爱你像就像费曼爱了他妻子一样的男人。如果你找到了,我想你能够好好经营与他的关系,一起白头偕老。
希望通过的针对性课程,你很快就可以实现这个目标。
520快乐!❤️
Be Great
文森
原文:
October 17, 1946
D’Arline,
I adore you, sweetheart.
I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.
It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.
But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.
I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.
When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.
I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.
My darling wife, I do adore you.
I love my wife. My wife is dead.
Rich.
PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address.